I got close to building a life I wanted, but it’s been a long time since. A little longer. Most of that life is gone, which is hard for me to accept. Not the burned bridges or the severed relationships. Not the intentional absences.
But the genuine connections that weren’t single sided effort from my side or the other.
When you left, I desperately tried to find other reasons to embrace existence. Maybe I succeeded in some small ways. It wasn’t easy, and I made a lot of bad decisions, but I’m still here.
Rudy left much like you did, while my back was turned, annoyed, and taking things for granted. It’s a rotten feeling to turn around realizing nothing will ever be the same.
But Bailey.
I was painfully aware when she was leaving. That I couldn’t stop it. That I didn’t know any other way to help her but to be there.
Feeling entirely inadequate and worthless. Like a traitor for knowing what was coming.
Her card was addressed to the family. To our family. The family I built with you that’s almost gone with her. A family from a collection of lifetimes I’m no longer part of…
Because I’m still here.
and so we meet again 