Archive for April, 2013

cocaine hammock

Posted: April 26, 2013 in hidden admonishment

Sometimes, I look at the $550 painting on the wall by the front door, and I remember the night I bought it from a fidgety former classmate.
Last night, while pulling sequins off of fabric to make a clear passage for a line of thread, I briefly thought I might be something like happy.
Rudy, the new bird, came down to see what I was doing.
I adopted him, because I thought I could help him with his feather plucking habit.
He’s a few years younger than me.

You’re getting your shit together, and I should do the same.

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Posted: April 14, 2013 in hidden admonishment

I had to forcibly remove you from this house.
Every weekend.
Every little bit of money.
Every fucking chance you got…

I’m not wrong.

I’m sorry, and I feel like shit, but I’m not wrong.

“You ruined him.”

Posted: April 12, 2013 in hidden admonishment

You tell me that I’m the most responsible person you have ever met in your entire life.
You tell me that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you and that I’m out of your league.
You owe me everything.

I just want you to be quiet.
Shut up, and you can stay.

Yesterday, you told me that I ruined the man across the street.
And
Maybe I did.
That poor bastard thought…what you think.

That I’m something amazing.

He’s gained a lot of weight and given up on his appearance all together now, you told me.
You’re worried about his daughter.
You said it’s because he considered me his last chance.

For what?

You still feel like you won something.
He acts like he lost something.

I’m not even half here for you, and I never even gave the impression that I was there for him.
You’re both wrong.

I feel bad for the guy regardless of whether I had anything to do with his downfall, but I feel worse about what I’ve done to you…because I know you love me.
I know you love me, and as much as I want to, I can’t say the same shit to you that someone I really loved had to tell me.

I just need you be quiet right now.