Direct Misstep

Posted: March 9, 2014 in hidden admonishment

It’s like looking back across a void where a schism in my mind fractured my thoughts.
I was completely this person I see the remnants of through scraps of paper and electronic blips.
I was wholeheartedly, genuinely this person, and I left this trail for myself.
I remember being there and the thoughts that left this residue, but even though I can identify quite clearly that it was me…

Somehow, it wasn’t.
Somehow, there’s a disconnect.
Somehow, they are more the memories of something read than something lived first hand.

I cannot crawl back into any particular past mindset.
I only see it from my current perspective as a neutral bystander.

That almost sounds normal
or so far from normal it’s dissociative properties are sociopathic.

I suppose it depends on which who-whom is asked.
As if anybody cares.

Even when people change, they know who they used to be from a first hand perspective.
Even people who distance themselves from some former way of being retain knowledge and skill sets from their past experiences.

Maybe I’ve merely forgotten a great many things.

Clearly I’ve been distracted
Preoccupied

Dealing with subzero temperatures without heat

Heavily medicated

Without words.

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