Posted: January 5, 2012 in otiose

Do you ever just stop short and wonder what the fuck your life has decided to do to you while you weren’t looking?

I don’t mean the piteous, What the fuck happened to my life, shit. I mean…what the fuck.

Just…what the fuck?
What the fuck?

What the fuck?

I willingly reached into an old mans front pocket today at work
on the day job.
One closer to my own age scrawled half a dozen band names on a piece of paper for me.
This slip of paper is something someone should have given me twenty years ago when my sister was giving me shit about my favorite color and lucky numbers.

I don’t want to see my sister.

I haven’t seen her in almost three years
she’s been nothing but nice to me for the past ten
and I don’t want to fucking see her.

I don’t want to pretend to give a shit about her stupid little family.

If I had been patient…

I’m not going to chase after you.
I don’t care.
You hate it when I say it, but I don’t fucking care.
Why should I?
What’s so irresistible about you?

I’m older than most of the girls I work with
and I’m not as pretty
and I’m not even good at what I do.

She’s normal.
She’s picket fence normal.

She went to school
and married her high school sweetheart.
She has a career
in a field
which she went to school for.
She has a dog
and likes yoga
and loves soft science touted as fuzzy fact.
She can pay her bills and buy organic groceries.

Fuck off.

If I had just been patient, you would have lost interest.
She took your money.
She took a lot of people’s money.
People just like you.

Why?
Why were you interested at all?
Because she’s pretty?
Clever?
Unattainable.

I don’t want to see her.
I don’t want any more pressure to be someone I’m not.

I don’t want any more pressure.

The prick said he was open minded
while judging everyone in that pretentious philosophical way.
If you’re wondering what stopped me from fucking him

that was more than enough.

Why are you with a 21-year-old girl?
I’m just curious.

New Orleans is the new trendy place to be.
You don’t have any originality, but you lie well.

I lied, too.
I don’t want to see anybody anymore.

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