Click, Click

Posted: December 18, 2011 in hidden admonishment

It’s always a pain in the ass when something lines up and hits with an epiphany that states the obvious way too late to be of much practical use in the day-to-day handoff.

Fuck.

Clear moments are always the hardest to contend with, rendering comfortable fuzzy stretches in sharp contrast.

I don’t like the lucid moments anymore.
They’re so painful.

I used to look at magic eye optical illusions backwards. The image receded instead of advancing. They were always kind of annoying that way.
My grandma died before I finished writing to her about the piano.
I stayed because of you. A dream showed me that. I stayed because of you, and I woke up unhappy, because I can’t go back and meet you there.

You’re not there.

I try to remember what you said, but I was so upset…and it wasn’t written down. I try to remember what you said.
It doesn’t matter anymore.

All I remember is anger.
All I ever remember now is anger, but wasn’t there more?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do I miss you?

It looks irrational now; what I did, how I reacted to information that was only tacitly supplied. It’s all written down though. That’s all written down. The information that…you gave me.
I guess you did what you wanted to do.

I responded honestly
and deleted almost everything.

Today, all I can remember is making you angry.
Most of the time, I just…don’t want to see this for what it is.

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