I’m not like you.

Posted: November 28, 2011 in hidden admonishment

If you had children, he would have left you for someone the age of them now.
Younger than me.
You remember me.
You watched me grow up.

I’m not an ageist…although I won’t dip below the legal boundaries since branching above them
and I have my qualms with anybody that can’t perform without medical assistance.

He insinuated once that I was stupid for being a fan of The Simpsons.
He also flat out said that I didn’t deserve the nice things my parents struggled to give me
after my first car accident.

Do you remember that?

I never forgave him for that.
Both of you are shitty people for that, by the way.
Saying that shit. Getting mad.
I forgave you, because you actually thought enough to ask me if I was okay before throwing your fit.
I’ve been glad that you never had your own children from that day on.

He’s not family to me anymore.
I won’t even acknowledge him since the day he answered his cellphone at my grandpa’s funeral service.
He answered his goddamned cell phone in the middle of the fucking service.
He derided you afterward when we went to eat in front of your family after we buried your father.
Why was I the only one that told him to shut up?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You gave me advice once about relationships.
You gave me a book that you hadn’t read, but I read it.
It was written for teenagers that have low self-esteem.
I was 21 when you gave it to me.

I left for a lot of reasons.
I left because he made fun of how I lived, where I lived, what I wore, and how I looked.
He let his family ridicule me.
He was in substantial debt to me.
He lied about his age, his income, his job, his family, his legal obligations…

The main reason I could finally see it, though…
I didn’t want to end up like you.
That’s the only reason I could see it for myself, and it still took a lot of help

from someone who will never love me.

If your marriage was still intact, I might still be confused about my own decisions.
You’re much better off without him.
I want you to find the strength to realize that before you die.

A lot of things about life are harder alone, but they’re not worse.
It’s not going to be in a book
and the Jehovah’s Witnesses you invite in aren’t going to save you.

You lost your career
your parents
and your husband left.

I am just your brother’s daughter.

I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time, but I just don’t know how.
I’m sorry.


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