Maybe you’re right.

Posted: October 20, 2011 in hidden admonishment
Tags: , ,

My personal history tells me that I’m not the kind of girl that you can successfully take home to Mom as if to say, “Look what I can do!”

I’m not even the kind of girl that you can introduce to your friends.

Given this track record, I’m not sure why people propose marriage in the eerie glow that we’ll just run off in reckless abandon to live happily ever after.

I find that even more unappealing than meeting your mom.

I’m sorry. I am. I’m close to killing that part of me that wants a romanticized ideal that oddball me never bothered to properly construct in the first place. I’m just not cut to the right shape or size, and you can’t keep trying to shoe horn me into conservative heels or scatterbrained left flip flops.

It’s not compromise. It’s just impractical…and wrong.

I just want to love you for a while. Just until you change your mind about who you think I am compared to who you think I ought to be.

I can’t.

I can’t continue after the shift. For that, I’m sorry, and you can call me whatever you need to call me to make sense of it. I’m never quite what you’re looking for once you actually take the time to look at me.

It’s a personal failing on my part, and for the most part, I’m okay with that. It’s for the best concerning all involved.

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