Brandon Alexander Kelly

Posted: October 10, 2011 in hidden admonishment
Tags: , , , ,

I have your high school diploma.
It’s mounted crooked, and this small imperfection bothers me much more than the fact that I have the original hard copy educational merit certification of a complete stranger.
I gave it to my egg timer.
Previously genderless, nameless, but in the shape of a red and white chicken; I thought the moniker fit well.


I cannot find my chicken.
He has gotten lost in what was honestly a very rough move for everyone involved.
Glitter exploded, even though I specifically asked the asshole helping me to be careful with the box which was clearly marked “glitter” as a precaution.
He said it didn’t matter and that he would buy me new glitter if it spilled.
I decided not to explain that such collections were irreplaceable, and while I know where that box is, I haven’t opened it since moving.

I know tragedy awaits.

I just thought you should know that I’m throwing your diploma away today, because I can’t find the chicken it now belongs to and have relinquished ownership back to you for these last few minutes.

I’ve taken it upon myself to realign the mounting which was originally accomplished with an impressively high quality double-sided tape. If I should ever find my chicken again, he shall retain your name and level of education, but plastic ticking chickens don’t really need paperwork. They’re really best left alone under the assumption of illegitimacy.


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