Well, you look good.

Posted: October 9, 2011 in hidden admonishment
Tags: , ,

I haven’t eaten anything in four days but sunflower seeds.
I’ve been living on Emergen-C, which is fucking disgusting.
I’ve had a fever that I’ve worked through
sweating
and shivering
and I keep pulling a muscle in my upper back
over
and over
again
trying to get a solid hour of sleep
and failing
for something like two weeks.
“You look different.”
Hmmph.
“Well rested or something…”
Ha.
“Feelin’ good today?”

Actually, I feel like shit and don’t want to be here, but thanks.

“Well, you look good.”

Fuck that. I acknowledged you, now get away from me.
At the first opportunity, I vanished.

Do you think they would come?
Do you think they would still do this to me if they knew what it actually does to me?
Would explaining to my family why I avoid, ignore, evade and make my vain attempts to escape their worry, concern and affection make them feel better or worse?
Do I owe to
honesty
or
the charade?

I still have to tell myself daily that you don’t love me.
My family does.

I drown in bad news instead of blue juniper dust, and I’m the only registered voter in the house.
It doesn’t feel good.

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