Posted: August 21, 2011 in otiose
Tags: , , ,

I stopped counting the days after 1000, but I know what day it was
even if I’m not clear on what day it is.
It doesn’t change.
It doesn’t get easier.

I don’t have a “lifestyle” to change.
I’ve been lying to myself for awhile now.

I revisited a high school crush the year after I graduated college.
He’s probably a really great guy.
I know he is
and he’s a lot more attractive than he ever was as a kid.

I ended up calling him an asshole anyway…

…because I have problems.

I tried to figure it out for a few months;
what went wrong
but it’s not worth figuring out.

I just didn’t belong with him, and he took that extremely personally.
It was personal.

It’s not that I intended to intrude and make him mad
but that’s how it happened.
I still think he’s an asshole.

Maybe I should have taken the sugar cubes.

“I can hear it,” and then he told me all about how he can tell me all about where I’m from.

First of all, if you can hear it, then why did you ask me about local shelters and persist until I told you I’m not from the area? If you can fucking hear it, why did you have to ask me where I’m from?
Can you see my socioeconomic status stamped across my face as well?
“I know people.”

You don’t.

Secondly, I hated Chicago, and I hate a lot of the people from Chicago that think of the entire Great Lakes area as their personal amusement park. I’m nice to you, because I’m paid to be nice to you. This, surprisingly, doesn’t make me a whore.

I want this job.
I like it.
I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do.

Third, I don’t give a shit who you are, where you’re from, or what you think you know. I don’t care. The more you talk, the less interested I become.

You’re blind to anything that’s not a mirror image.
Stay contained.
Be happy.

Finally, if you’re going to hit on me in front of your seven year old son and use phrases like, “Girls don’t usually…” I would sincerely like you to reprioritize your life

and leave me out.

I do not give a flying fuck what you think girls do, like, think, or want. I don’t care if you’re right about most girls. You are not going to tell me jack shit about myself in relation to what you expect or have seen before from other girls. If you are talking to me, I am the only benchmark; and if you don’t know me, don’t fill in the gaps out of your own impatience.

You will fuck yourself over.

I’m sick of unsolicited advice and disgusted with the failure to offer it when I directly ask.

I do boring things when I’m bored, but I am no longer taking requests.


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