Seeded Watermelon

Posted: August 11, 2011 in hidden admonishment, proselytizaytion
Tags: , , ,

I’ve been looking for over a month.
I asked others that like to try to make me happy to look, too.

Someone is supposed to be fixing my bathroom
so I cleaned
and I left early this morning to avoid them
but they didn’t come.

I took a nap naked in my car
in a parking lot where I tucked myself in between a tree and a trailer for a nearby construction crew.
Not fully nude…just essentially naked.
No less covered than any standard American girl
that goes to the beach and doesn’t want tan lines.

I didn’t sleep well.
It gets hot relatively fast in a small, enclosed, glass and plastic biodome.
I slept for two hours before deciding
that the construction was not a soothing sound
and that I was really fucking thirsty.

God says drinking’s not allowed, but I’m bleeding, so a ridiculous exception has been made…even though it’s far more important to avoid dehydration right before menstruation

to prevent that nasty fucking four-day headache.

At any rate, I’ve already ascertained that the entire ritual is ludicrous for a non-believer to partake in.
It’s probably forbidden.


I feel like doing it anyway…likely stemming from a pervasive boredom.
You also have no God given right (and certainly no legal grounds) to tell me not to.
At least I have distinct reasons for rejecting each of the major religions I’ve looked into over the years.
I’m allowed to do that.
I’m not just blindly exclusionary…ironically enough, considering that seems to be a contradictory earmark to most faiths.

Yes, I know, but in practice…I’ve spend a great deal of my life ostracized for the sentiment not to bear a certain degree of honesty.

Anyway, I went to a store with the intention of getting something to drink, which, as I’ve said, is entirely acceptable due to the arbitrary fact that I’m a fertile baby incubator within my functioning age range with the monthly reminder to prove that a strapless strapon won’t change that.

I didn’t grab a basket or a cart, because I just wanted to find something to drink, but I found myself in a Super Target, because I find the anonymity of such places less threatening (and more affordable) than little market shops.

I have a strong aversion to social interaction.

When I saw the watermelons, I forgot everything, was completely beside myself and squealed with excitement.
I’d been looking for over a month.
Personal sized seedless.
Fucking seedless watermelons everywhere.

They don’t taste the same.
Your genetic engineering has failed.
I want seeds in my sweet, pink, fleshy fruit.

The people around me did not share or understand my personal excitement, and I received a lot of funny looks from people as I cradled the watermelon I chose in my arms while continuing through the store on my quest for something to drink.

People are always passively judgmental in stores like this if you decide to carry anything heavy (that isn’t liquor) through the store without the aid of a cart.

People, in general, are just always latently (or blatantly) judgmental, under whatever guise…myself included. Although there is something remotely nice to be said for self-awareness. At least I know and acknowledge that some things about me are shitty.

Relatively speaking, I do still somewhat logically deduce that I’m a reasonably good person, however. Like all those modifiers?

Well, I’m sorry. I’m perfectly capable of carrying a watermelon and a case of water without a cart.

An older man kept bumping into me.
Sometimes it happens.
Often, it’s calculated.
Generally, I don’t have much interest in being picked up at 11AM coming off a sleepless night and showerless morning, but…

It’s not written in the Qur’an. The shit that happens…It’s not justified.
It’s not justifiable.
The shit that people do to one another.
It’s written in Islamic State law
The Book.

It is not the word of God.
It is not the will of God.

I have so many religious books; so many books that are The Book.
I don’t mean to indicate that I only think this about Islam, but I happen to be mired with that specific clusterfuck at the moment.
So much bullshit.

I’m not against God.
My failure of personal faith
My personal failure in faith
My lack of faith is irrelevant
As is the specific faith in reference.

I’m not against God or spiritualism or whatever the fuck ideologue a person adopts,
within reason and provided they express a similar tolerance for mine–which clearly is not the case with most people, or I wouldn’t be so bitchy.
I’m against humanity cowering behind…bullshit.
I am not implying that faith is necessarily bullshit.
I’m not even expressing that dogma is inherently bullshit.
I’m saying people are shitty to one another for no good reason.
Right from wrong is not that fucking hard.
It’s not even a sign of civility.
Compassion is expressed in “primitive” constructs constantly.

Humanity might have staggering potential, but it is disappointingly, predominately shit
and as an observation, it’s easy to want to blame…self-righteous tunnel vision.

So, obviously, what I meant to say was that despite annoying housemates and irritating conversations about the eternal condemnation of my soul (which I can only playfully imagine simply because I stake little faith in personally witnessing eternity or possessing/being a soul)I found watermelon and a guinea pig, so…I’m pretty happy today.


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