Dogma

Posted: August 6, 2011 in hidden admonishment
Tags: ,

Forgoing the traditional nap, I waited for my moment
my first opportunity.
Gauging breathing patterns and snoring, I made a break for it

turning off the lights
tucking him in
and locking the doors behind me.

I left work early.
Sorry, I can’t be girly.
I don’t believe in God.

I don’t believe in anything.

“It’s your life. Do what you want.”
You say this to me over and over again, and I hate it.
I’ve asked you not to say it.
I know it’s your way of telling me that you’ll tolerate me
but you don’t understand.
I contort for you, because I want to.

I’m a good person.
I don’t say this shit to make myself feel better.

I don’t want to be a good person.

I want to believe in something
and belong somewhere
and feel like I understand someone.

Anything, anywhere, anyone.
It doesn’t need to be good. It needs to be real.

Just…

I know who I am.
I don’t hate who I am.
I hate that the only thing I know is who I am.

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