Nondenominational Agnosticism

Posted: July 29, 2011 in proselytizaytion
Tags: , , ,

You know why they like me? You know why?
You know why
you
still
like me?

You know why they all break the rules, including you?

I do.

Islam is a hard religion for me to love.
The Southern Muslim American “community” is a humbling place to find myself
passed along the fringe
as a woman
infidel
and harlot.

You try to guilt me now, but you provided initiation into this ring.
Make eye contact with me.
You try to make me feel bad about myself now.
Why?
Because you feel bad?
Because I’m not with you?
Because very little has changed for either of us?
What is it?
How do you want me to respond?

I will neither lash out at nor embrace your god, but you…
You couldn’t marry me as I am anyway, even if I wanted to, and I’m not going to change
much.
It’s against your rules; your unbendable, unbreakable, unbearable divine rules.
I’m not acceptable.
I am subhuman, and what’s worse; I am happy to be so.

People of the Book.

I would have to lie to myself, and…your god.
The God.
I would have to lie, and you think it would make me happy?
Do you think I can do anything but pretend?
We’ve had this conversation before.

It’s strange.
I don’t believe in an afterlife. I don’t believe in souls or karma or Heaven
or Hell,
but I’m not a shitty person for taking it up the ass once in a while.
I don’t believe in God, but I also don’t believe that my convictions are necessarily right.

Maybe you are right.
How am I to know?
A book? Which book? Who should I ask?
Your book?
The Book.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not going to worry myself about what I can’t know.
It is not in me to believe in a prophet, or a god, or a book; so I would have to lie.

Happy?
Happy.

No one can force what isn’t there.
Go ahead and pray for me if you think I deserve the sentiment.

You can’t save me
convert me
or even condemn me.

It’s not your place.
Learn it.
I’ve accepted mine.

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