Posted: July 29, 2011 in transliteration
Tags: , ,

A sheath of staples touches a tiny packet of airplane salt, and I nudge it away to expose a male to male coaxle cable connector and a purple paint chip from the last apartment I rented where I could afford to live alone

above a pedophile from my own youth.

The questions of happiness and God are humming in the back of my mind. Well over a year ago, you thought a petty sort of jealousy had come over me, because you were happy for a moment

without me.

It upset me much more that you betrayed my trust in order to entertain someone more feminine than me. Happier. More confident in seeking the acceptance of the masses.

Someone normal.

I dole out imitation happiness in a life that has become a little too one sided lately. Sex and femininity apparently go hand in hand for me, although one comes naturally enough and the other fails to follow.

Lace on lace with rhinestones.
Synthetic floral scent imprints.
A pervasive, sickening nauseation with the self-imposed shift.

Confirmation comes that you like this, but you still notice.
You still tell me what’s wrong with me
what I need to fix
how I am “too smart for my own good.”

You tell me again and again about happiness, each with your own path to enlightenment.

I can stand still and manage to hold up the facade, but when I lie down, it doesn’t lie with me.

I lay it down.

I’ve had enough.
It’s time to throw some of this shit out.

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