wake up

Posted: March 25, 2011 in transliteration
Tags: , , ,

I woke up amidst a clusterfuck of people all engaged in light, happy conversation about
Leon: The Professional
which was playing on the TV.
I confused the time and place for a second thinking myself back in the Freshman dorms, but I quickly checked myself.
That wasn’t right.
Who were all of these people swimming in the blue flicker of electricity, and why were they in the room with me?

I recognized the room; a familiar bedroom, although not mine. This many people should never naturally find themselves sandwiched into such a space.
I curled over to my side, bumping into someone and clamoring over them as I went like a drowning rat in a state of emergency.
Emergency: vomit splashed into the bowl. I flushed, proceeded to clean up any imagined residual mess rinsed my hands
and stood staring in the mirror under the unforgivingly bright bathroom light.

You interrupted me then. I thought, I might have a profound thought, but it quickly passed when you barged right in; you the same creature I’d just scampered over in my desperate escape from waking.

Were you really clothed, and was I actually all but naked? Like it mattered? It didn’t.

“Hello,” I offered with a tight smile that fell off and refracted off your own toothy grin. Did my eye just twitch? Let me just excuse myself then, so I did, slipping away as you took a piss.

with shoes
I stopped short to find a scene I wasn’t expecting and couldn’t accept.

Keep in mind that this is after the awakening I’d just met.
I understood then why I woke up where I did…although I’m still not sure about all those people.
I’d been waiting for you.
and waiting

Here you were

and I didn’t want to understand.

I sat down to check my email.
I went back upstairs.
I came back down.

Will I ever forgive myself?
You deserve to be happy, and I’ll find a different way home.


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