not delusional

Posted: February 15, 2011 in proselytizaytion
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I’m going to live as if you’re with me, because I want to be with you.
I want to be the sort of person I think you deserve
even if I’m not that person
and don’t know you.

I’m stepping into my mind now, and I don’t care if I come back.
I still want to be the better version of myself that you had me thinking I could be…

whom I am not.

I’ll have to start small, because I’ve slid back a long ways
from who I was when you were someone else.

I miss you.

You.

That person I never successfully got to know
that’s fluid and grows
receding into reality’s obscurity
without taking me along in the folds of your lips.

I miss that allusive being, but hope you’re well.
I’ll let myself hope for that.
Hope can’t cause much damage when there’s no substrate to collide with…
and you’re not in my life now.

No, that man who you are isn’t here, because he said he didn’t want to be
but I can still hope that he’s doing okay.

I can still miss him
think about him
harbor feelings for him.

I never knew him.
Never will now.
I don’t hope for that anymore.
But I’m going to conduct myself as if you’re with me, because I still want to be with you.

In other words; I’ve decided to pick myself up.

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