it’s like playing chess with an imbecile

Posted: February 3, 2011 in otiose

We were sitting across from each other, but I don’t remember where the chess board came from. Maybe it was mine, although…I don’t know where mine went when you left.

I don’t care either.

You had the grand idea that we should play. We were not entirely ourselves that day. No. I don’t generally feel compelled to play chess

or go.

The games crawl around in my mind and rewire lost connections, so that I can feel something ugly stir in the depths as the passages clear. This day was no exception even if we were both inebriated beyond comprehension.

I could feel the tumblers rolling, synapses clicking, monsters stirring.

I will say with clarity, that keeping promised doors locked is much harder drunk and in the company of trust…so we played chess. I think we played.

“That’s an illegal move,” I heard myself mutter to the board, and you stood up to refresh our drinks. That was the day I discovered that I much prefer gin to rum and would rather keep all of my alcohol unadulterated by sugary juices and sodas.
“I thought you didn’t know how to play,” was your vaguely irritated response.

In it to win it.

“I said I didn’t play.” I never really did. Chess is one of those games that’s more stimulating to play with companions. The board was mine. I know that for sure now. It was a gift when I was young and no one would play checkers with me anymore, because I’d developed a knack for it. Chess is renowned to be more complicated, but I didn’t play. I used to study the rule booklet that came with the board for hours.

No one ever wanted to play with me.

I think you won, or maybe I toppled the board in a drunken rage against the feelings flitting to the surface through countless barricades.

Anyway, you were deliberately trying to fuck with me, and so is the new girl.
So is the new girl.

What you forget is that I’ve been at this longer, and I’m not inferior. I already have a dumbfuck degree and I know what hamsters can eat and as for the m…

You’re not better than me, and I will not let you win what I do not consider a game; and certainly not by cheating.


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