Wow…what?

Posted: November 19, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

The numbers tell me things when I take the time to shut up and listen.
Tonight they told me about something that happened about a year ago.

No, I’m not over it.

I didn’t see it. I didn’t fucking want to see it.
I didn’t see it until April, and you wouldn’t want to see me now.
I’m just finally starting to grasp at something akin to understanding.

It’s still a long way off.

You can throw away a dream and call it life.
Yeah, you know…Bukowski was like that, too.
Good writer.
Not a bad person.
Shitty at living.

He still harbored that dream, didn’t he?
That he knew how to reject it so completely, he would have had to have kept it close at all times.

I’m not going to live my life like that.
I still don’t read Bukowski much.

Hopeless
Helpless
Heartless

Yes
Yes
Yes

Something else drives me, and denying that…I’ll fold down to A Nos Amours.
That is not living.

I can’t.

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